Let’s start with an exercise; fill in the blank, “Leadership means _____”.
I expect that this idea of leadership is pretty well formed in your mind. You’ve got a lot of experience and training to back it up and have been corrected when you’ve strayed too far from the core concept. I know that for myself, I held on tightly to what my definition of leadership was because I’ve been leading teams and projects for 10 years, so I should know by now, right?
Well, kind of. I’m about to tell you about my recent leadership role, when I realized that in a lot of ways, what I was doing was actually holding me back instead of moving me forward. And that is not what I’m about.
My recent experience was one that you may relate to, I was tasked with leading a team to do a project by a certain date. Then I was given more information. Then a different date. Then a slightly different task. Then a different message to send to the team. Then another different version of the task. And all of a sudden I’m pulling out my hair saying, “WTF, how am I supposed to work with this?!”, and telling myself that I’m “doing it wrong”. I was pissed off, too.
I was so frustrated with this slippery goal and haphazard communication. In these types of situations my go to leadership style is to do it all myself and make sure it gets done, because the only way to define success is to get it done. So the next thing you know, I’m planning multiple long phone calls, figuring out how to get people to do what I’m asking so that we meet the goal, getting stressed, and resenting the hell out of everything related to this project.
The beauty of coaching, though, is that we get called out on our shit. I got called out on mine, big time. As mentioned, I equate leadership with “the person who will get it done, no matter what”. This means I’ll take on the responsibilities of those around me if the project is in jeopardy. And when I take them on, I overreach to the point that I’m not letting the team members make their own decisions or be responsible for themselves. This whole exercise showed me that keeping healthy boundaries is not my default when leading teams.
But, oh man, I did not like to hear that as a leader, I could actually do less. I needed to hold other people accountable to their own actions. And that if people didn’t do what they needed to, that it would be seen as their responsibility and not mine. That is still messing with my head.
I hated the idea of letting go of that responsibility, because my experience and training up until now told me that would mean failure. My experience also told me that failure is not okay, it means that I’m not doing good enough or trying hard enough, and that I shouldn’t be doing it at all. This project and my coaching made me confront and challenge these ideas. It wasn’t fun, but it was necessary.
Leadership now means that I will lead by example and take a stand for the goals that my team said they’re committed to. As a leader, I’ll practice what I preach and constantly be looking for my comfortable (but not self-serving) old habits while practicing accountability on the team.
I suspect that there’s room for all of us to see how our ideas about leadership are actually hindering our ability to lead by example and reach our definition of success.
What do you see for yourself, what ideas about leadership do you have that might not be serving you?
Hello Karla, I had my share in managing work as a lead. But in my experience I learned I have to give or pass on that responsibility to the team. When changes occur, I provide detailed information and allow the members to formulate their approach in completing the project. I found that sometimes it is a balance of micromanaging but not really when leading a group. Leadership based on my studies and experience is a web of cooperation amongst the group of people working with you, (not for you). I often find at times being outside of the box and letting go. You get to learn along the way what works and what does not depending on the people you work with. I tend to observe and learn more about who I work with and that differs with every project. Good luck in your future endeavors Karla.
Thanks for sharing, Christie. I love learning about how everyone views leadership a little differently, and this sounds like a good example of how one person’s growth area can be completely different for someone else. I’d be curious to know more about where you want to grow or where you notice that you’re stopping yourself!